My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
