You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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