I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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