C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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