Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
