Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
