One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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