Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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