I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
