how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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