you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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