I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
And then he peed in my hair
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