she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
im on a boat
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