Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
