No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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