He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
