CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
