fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's blow job season.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
