it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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