Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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