Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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