In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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