If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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