I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
