plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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