My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
