Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
