I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
