the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish there were birth control emojis
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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