Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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