Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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