how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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