She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
