living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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