I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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