so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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