I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
