you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
