I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
