I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
