You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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