the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
