Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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