well you can't waste a boner
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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