Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
