Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
