just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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