Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
