Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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