We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
