When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's blow job season.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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