Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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