I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
