The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
