He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
