____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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